The Pillars of Prejudice
by HowAboutThisForAName
Summary: Carmine kept to himself not out of lonesomeness, but out of necessity. A story about homosexuality, and the risks that come wtih it. (I don't own Fallout)


Carmine kept to himself not out of lonesomeness, but out of necessity.

Carmine Kusnetsov was a simple engineer, born in some distant, snowy place and brought to America at a young age. He knew his mother had died in childbirth, and that his father on their journey, and so he had been raised by a sister that ran off with raiders when he was seven.

There was no remorse for that, he hated the woman with his entire being even at such a young age, and was left in Rivet City to repair weapons and turrets, the occasional vehicle and more recently had been set to getting the planes atop the carrier in order, see if they were salvageable.

All alone.

He was a young man and not particularly unattractive, with green-yellow hair he kept neat and combed and a rounded face that made him look particularly childish, so it was not so much his features that had people ignoring him as it was the isolationist personality he possessed.

Though such concepts of racism or religious intolerance had died out with the nuclear fire, it seemed that homophobia would stand strong even with all the other pillars of prejudice falling down around it, and this is why Carmine kept to himself.

He'd asked around when he'd decided this assessment, not asking if he was in fact gay so much as asking what people thought about the disposition, so that he had a good mind of what to expect if he spoke up about it. Indeed despite half the ship being murderers and thieves and the other manipulative council-persons it was still a somewhat ironic fact that they thought above all things that sleeping with one of the same gender was satanic and something to be looked down upon.

So out of fear of letting it slip in some off handed conversation he had volunteered for all things that had him set apart from the rest of the mechanics and engineers that kept Rivet in order, and it was why he crouched here with a stack of unscrewed plates beside him and stared into the inner workings of the ancient aircraft.

The engine was somewhat foreign, and while he had no doubt he'd figure it out he decided that it would take a very long time indeed.

Good.

This observation was followed by the young man supposing a look at it's cockpit would not go amiss, and scampered up a short ladder he'd brought along to scan the interior, realising with some dismay a lack of a cockpit and instead a small windshield to protect the occupant, something he'd run by any potential pilots.

It wasn't particularly savvy, with a wheel easy enough to identify but several other dials and switches that he couldn't place except those that were marked, and those weren't numerous.

He did jump however when the grabbing of the wheel and subsequently the triggers adjacent to it caused the six barrels at the front of the plane to fire abruptly, and fell off and onto his rear in shock.

What made him jump back up -shortly after rubbing his head to calm his nerves- was that when he looked up a stranger of some sort stood next to him looking concerned, though hadn't made a noise. Carmine backed against the wing, but the man put his hands up and said with the most disarming voice he could muster "Hey, it's okay. Did I scare you?"

"Of course you fucking scared me! You don't just sneak up on a person who's inspecting a highly complicated piece of machinery of any type!" the young man yelled, a deep red going across his face in embarrassment.

"Sorry, sir, I was just curious as to what you were doing." The man replied, looking guilty.

Carmine huffed, and ran one hand through his hair while the other sat at his waist, before giving the man an even look, his face slowly returning to it's pale colourlessness, "It's alright, you just... Caught me off guard." And he had; the engineer always had a good sense for his surroundings, the fact someone had managed to sneak up on him was a new feeling that scared him more than it would anyone else.

"So..." The man continued, and while the man looked for conversation Carmine took in his appearance.

His hair was a light blond, and he had skin of an unnatural shade of white, despite his cheeks sharing a rosiness that made him look perpetually flustered. Aside this, he wore a coat that reached to his mid-calf and had the sleeves rolled up, gloves and worn but sturdy looking boots, the stock of a Hunting Rifle peeking over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" He asked, and Carmine turned to the plane thoughtfully, suddenly feeling under pressure, both for his skill and his form, as the man looked well built and lean while he -especially with his dark A-shirt that exposed his thin arms- was not particularly so, and while not so ugly as to permit disgust, the young man did realise he was somewhat dull of the face while this man had some handsome features born of healthy living.

"Trying to get these planes working, if we can use them it'll give us an advantage on most fronts of battle, scouting and fighting off Super Mutants from the air, that sort of thing." He explained, noting that an inkling of pride did appear in his voice.

"Neat, I've always wondered what the world must look like from the sky..." The man stated whimsically, before looking at him squarely, "I'm Felix, would it be wrong of me to ask your name?"

Carmine was taken aback, not suspecting the man would care all that much, but he seemed genuinely interested in what the engineer was doing, and decided that for such kindness in such a brutal world an answer was in order; "Carmine, Carmine Kusnetsov."

"Carmine... I like that name," the man admitted, before adding, "Kusnetsov sounds Russian, are you Russian?"

"I think so, my sister said we were born in a snowy place overseas, though I forgot what she called it. Is Russia snowy?" He asked, seeming to delve into his own mind for a moment as the topic was brought up.

"Well before the war it was, might or might not be now, I don't know really." Felix replied, shrugging before placing a hand on the hull of the plane, "Have you made any progress?"

"Hm? Of yeah, the main issue is the wiring, it's all been worn away or frayed, needs replacing. Aside that the lack of actual fuel is an issue, though that doesn't seem to effect the guns, that's for sure." Carmine explained, looking over to the still smoking barrels at the ships nose and rubbing the back of his neck.

"I could possibly get some fuel for you, if you'd like." The man offered, and for a second time Carmine was stunned.

"Seriously? I can't just ask a complete stranger to go out and get me some supplies, unless you're a mercenary of course." He added the last part rather sheepishly, but the man only smiled at him, setting Carmine's heart aflutter.

"But I'm not stranger, I'm Felix, your new friend."

The statement was the most profound thing the supposed Russian had heard for the past nineteen years of his life, even more so than all those weird statements his sister had said when high on Jet or Rebound and certainly more so than anything anyone else had said in the backwater boat-city that was Rivet City.

"Well um... Okay, I can't really pay you, I don't get much for this job you know." He admitted, but Felix waved his hand dismissively.

"I don't need payment, just a helping a fellow Waster out, though if you know where I can get some it'd make my job easier." He explained, and Carmine thought of all the places he'd been in his relatively short life.

"The only gas stations for miles are the Rockbreaker's Last Gas to the north-west and Jocko's Pop and Gas to the west, I can mark them on your pip-boy if you like, but it's at least a two day journey to Jocko's and a much longer trip to Rockbreaker's." He remembered, having gone there on a few occasions with Rivet City scouting teams, they'd only slept in the places though.

The fact the man had a pip-boy was not so much surprising as it was assuring, as this meant the man had to be from a vault, probably vault 101 that had been vomiting out characters every couple of months.

"Great, here." He took a step forward and extended his arm, allowing Carmine to lean over it and punch in some rough figures that would show him where to go, all the while silently appreciating the vault-tec technology strapped to the man's arm.

After this, Felix bid him farewell and removed himself, Carmine watching the entire way as he strode off to the control tower that granted access to the lower decks, and then absent-mindedly got back to work, thinking hard on the previous conversation and mentally berating himself for the multiple missed opportunities to make snide or intelligent remarks, all his intelligence whittling away in Felix's presence, or perhaps he was just one of those people.

When the sun had just begun to clear the mountains, Carmine left the flight deck, having made little progress since looking at the cockpit interior, and decided he'd have a chat with one of the other engineers and see if he couldn't get some wires from them.

Though tonight he just sat down at Gary's Galley and ordered a small bowl of noodles, not feeling like he could stomach anything larger for the thoughts that rushed through his head, enticed by the strange vault dweller that had offered him help.

These thoughts were interrupted by the clanking of combat armour as across from him a security guard sat down, helmet having been placed on the table to allow the woman to snack on an apple; Janet.

Janet was a few years older than Carmine and the bane of his existence, constantly bullying him and picking on his sexuality, because she was the only one intelligent enough to figure out why he kept to himself shortly after asking a string of questions on the subject, though had no solid evidence to prove this then the blush that passed across her victim's features.

"Hello there faggot." She spat, and he sighed.

"Janet, an apple for dinner? Worried you won't be able to outrun the muties with cankles as thick as yours?" He bit back, and she hissed at him.

"At least I'm not shamelessly flirting with some stranger, you're a whore as well as being gay." She surmised smugly, and the young man felt his face go flush.

"I'm not fucking gay, you temperamental bitch, and I'm certainly no whore. And besides, he only offered to get me some fuel for the planes, because I wouldn't ask such an inept guard as you or any of these other cretins to do it for me, you'd just as likely set it on fire for shits and giggles!" He growled, and she chuckled.

"Whatever pansy." She replied dully, standing up and working away boredly.

Feeling somewhat upset, Carmine snatched up the woman's forgotten helmet and called after her, "You forgot your helmet you red neck floozy!" before throwing the headgear and watching with satisfaction as it smacked her in the back the head, causing her to bend over in pain and confusion and drawing much attention to the two of them.

When she turned around and stood straight, there was fire burning in her enraged eyes, and Carmine whimpered meekly before taking off towards the hallways, completely ready to barricade his room for the next two days should the woman prove persistent.

And indeed he was forced too, the next two days going by with her systematically patrolling down his corridor, rushing for his door every time he poked his head out to check on her presence, but seemed to give up by the third day and allowed him to get back to work, though he kept his guard up for her.

What did catch him off guard despite his precautions was the man leaning against a plane when he reached the flight deck, ten Jerry-cans lined up beside him.

"You're back already? And with fifty three gallons of fuel?" He would need a lot more than that, but somehow felt the man would not disappoint.

"I've got several hundred stored in that tank there." Felix said, motioning to the massive container beside Carmine that he had yet to notice.

"Holy shit! How did you move this?" He asked, and was met with a chuckle.

"Had some Super Mutants help me." The adventurer explained, and added shortly thereafter, "I've a few more lying about in miscellaneous containers if you really need them."

"Jesus... Well... Um, thanks I guess," Carmine stated gratefully, rubbing his head at the sheer sight of so much fuel in one place, "Are you sure there's no way I can repay you? I mean, this is a tall task in and of itself, but to have delivered this much... I feel like I've duped you if I don't give something back."

The vault dweller smiled, coming close and looking around before saying with a quiet voice, "How about a date?"

Carmine felt his mind blank for a moment at the suggestion, before thinking that this is why the man had offered to get him the fuel and then writing that off as soon as possible, finding it impossible to have been identified that quickly in and of himself, knowing that much at least. Perhaps the man was just very lucky, and Carmine mentally shrugged before answering numbly, "Uh... O-okay."

It came out as a mumble, and he kicked himself for it, but Felix only laughed in response and patted his shoulder, saying with a wide grin, "Great, I'll see you at Gary's Galley tonight, then?" He asked, and Carmine nodded vigorously, the idea of his very first date a much awaited and fantasised one.

Felix left again after that, and with some sprite and efficiency Carmine set to work refuelling and repairing just the one fighter, having had the chance to gather the wires and repair parts some time ago before setting them together, and figured that the plane would be ready to fly sooner rather than later, something that simply made him ecstatic, and added to the day that had actually turned out rather well.

It was later that night, after he had changed into a clean shirt and washed his hands of grease and oil that he came down to Gary's Galley to find Felix sitting at a corner table, a single chair open as he chewed on some Salisbury steak and drank from a Nuka Cola.

Quickly walking over, the young man sat down before ordering a similar meal to his companion, though with a small bowl of noodles on the side, something that was proving to be his favourite food.

"So, just to get things straight Carmine,-" Felix began, looking at him questioningly, "-you are gay, right?" He asked, and Carmine couldn't help but chuckle at that, though kept his voice low as his friend to avoid catching the ear of any other guests.

"Yes, I am, have been since I was thirteen actually." He explained, and Felix nodded thoughtfully, looking as though he had found a friend in the man only just then, rather than three days before.

"How'd you figure it out? If you don't mind me asking, just interesting considering... You know..." He trailed off, and Carmine understood completely.

"The shower rooms are shared, remember, between each gender, though you mightn't know that actually." He thought on the fact before continuing, "So you know, just happened to observe a member and... Well I'm sure you can figure out the rest." Despite his disposition, the only thing that Carmine had not been shy about was his body, and freely talked about it as a string of questions were asked of him.

"Do you have any family, Carmine?" Felix eventually asked, looking sombre at the thought for a moment, and Carmine wondered why.

"No, my mother and father died a long time ago, and my sister ran off with some raiders because they 'understood her better', stupid bitch." He muttered the slur under his breath, and watched as Felix gave him a sympathetic look, "It was a while ago, I really don't care about them any more."

There was a short silence after that, Felix looking thoughtful and Carmine frank, before they got into a small conversation about the planes that had caused them to meet and then various other small things about the Wasteland that made either one of them relate, or so Carmine hoped.

At the end of the night, Felix escorted Carmine to his room, and they stood outside awkwardly for a moment before Carmine took the initiative for the first time in a long time and gave a quick kiss to the taller man's lips, saying a rushed goodbye before retreating into his room in embarrassment, hoping that he'd not done anything stupid or broken this flowering relationship.

He also hoped none of the guards -and one in particular- had seen the event unfold.

Carmine awoke the next day with something akin to eagerness in his chest, something he'd not felt since his sister left, and upon getting changed and ready for the day strode out towards Gary's Galley to get a bite to eat.

In the hall however he was somewhat befuddled to see Janet spying on him but not doing anything, just observing from a distance, and when he faced her full on she just smirked at him and ran off, clearly looking pleased with herself, though he wrote it off as some superiority complex, as he had not seen a wink of her the night before.

It was as the young man sat down however, that he realised why.

The PA system came on, only used rarely, and began with a familiar voice clearing their throat, the artificial sound of a pre-recorded message beginning to play; "So, just to get things straight Carmine, you are gay?"

He sputtered, and dropped the fork he had held, looking up to the megaphone in the corner of the large market as people did the same, some looking to him afterwards.

There was a short, very familiar laughter, before a voice with a thin accent answered with "Yes, I am, have been since I was thirteen actually."

He was speechless as the entire night's amount of conversation had been played for him, sometimes skipping forward past boring parts or areas where there was little talk, or so remembered vaguely, and felt as slowly, deliberately, people's eyes were slowly drawn to him.

By the time it had finished, the entire room was looking to him either in shock, disappointment or disgust, and Carmine felt his voice leave him. This was not just embarrassment, this was his life practically over.

In the hours that followed, Carmine packed his things and purchased supplies for a long trip, the entire time people staring at him and giving looks as if he'd killed someone, children pointing fingers and whispers being said, and it killed him inside.

Felix had been in with Janet, or so he supposed, to distressed to search for her or him, and soon found himself standing before the Rivet City bridge on the boat side as a pair of security guards looked at him disapprovingly, three bags thrown over shoulder and back, and a terrible made and overpriced rifle held in his hand.

Carmine journeyed out that day, just to get lost in the wastes, just to get away from the monsters that had systematically destroyed his life on the basis of a joke, and soon... He lost himself, or so was the terror of sharing oneself.

How the pillars of prejudice still stood strong, even in this burnt, charred and dead world.

…

**Just me musing on my paranoia and thoughts, I thought it was pretty good, so leave a review telling me what you think if you'd be so kind. Also on the subject of the dialogue being so soporofic; I don't personally think that every other setence should be a monologue, and so I made it more every day in this case, more mundane. It's why we have the internal battles being waged with Carmine instead.**

**Homosexuality has always been an interesting topic for me, and Fallout is my favourite game series of all time, so I figured, why not put them together?**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Isaac.**


End file.
